Onwards....

3 or 4 times in my life i have had the experience of feeling like my heart was going to tear into shreds. Like i was drowning in a place that feels so void that there was no way back to the edge.

It's the deepest place in my soul. Tears fall and fall and you feel like they will never end as they sting your face on their way down. it hurts with an intensity that nothing physical could match and i know now that it's an unmasking.

Another of the layers peeling away to reveal the next stage. so i leap into the void. blindly. achingly. but knowing that whatever is coming is ok. it always is.

Today another layer is peeling and every instinct in me wants to hold on to the present but that's not how it works. so i surrender. willingly. anything that will make this heartache go away.

Aah, so there is a heart in there somewhere....

Contrary to popular opinion regarding my limited displays of compassion, this article documents research showing primates such as myself being entirely able to exhibit real emotion.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/do-primates-feel-compassion.html

A very fair point is raised in the closing:

Whether love and morality go hand in hand?

I concur. Do love and morality necessarily go together? Do they need to? Who determines moral vs immoral?

All of these are things i ponder before i drift off and think about shagging again. It's only a small brain people, i can't be expected to do much more than i already do. cut me some slack.