Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.
There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living.
I once met a girl who was able to pull it off, so I let her buy me dinner. Later that night she was making out with my wang, when I realized that all that lipstick was rubbing off. So I evacuated my moan-maker from her face hole, took some silverware for my trouble, and snuck out of her tent.
Red lipstick looks horrible on most women, and all men. The bright crimson hue is an unnatural abomination pushed upon your face by cynical cosmetic industry scientists. I'm sure somewhere in a laboratory, two scientists are high-fiving each other, laughing at all the bullshit new names for shades of red they invent.
There have been literally thousands of names for the same color of lipstick over the years, yet there are only about 3 shades of red: red, dark red, light red. Period. And I mean that grammatically, and not menstrually, though the context makes sense now that I think about it.
They just make up names as they go along, and you idiots keep buying the same three shades of red over and over again:
Here are some actual names for shades of red lipstick: berry juicy, candied apple, midnight red, love that red, volcanic red, red velvet, red reinvented, cherry desirable, opulent garnet, royal red, etc, etc. You know they're just making shit up when they start using abstract concepts like "love" and "desirable" in the name.
Most of the shades are indiscernible from each other, but women insist that there's a difference. So I went to Revlon's website and took two of these colors for a comparison:
Insecure women with boring faces lap this shit up because they think "hmmm.. what does my face need? Oh, I know! A giant hokey shade of red that isn't even found in nature."
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion
xxx mp
3 comments:
I think that the best job in the world would be thinking up asinine names for paint colours.
Spring Blush. Lilac Echo. Jasmine Shimmer. These and other equally pretentious marketing department wanks can be found in the Dulux catalogue, and someone got PAID to think them up!
How do you feel about Agitated Puce, munki? Does Caramel Drool sound enticing? Wouldn't you love to see your living area swathed in Crushed Antelope?
Well, well, well G6 - i can't say i'm loving Agitated Puce however i am enjoying closing my eyes and imagining my lounge room in a Caramel Drool ...... Would Crushed Antelope be suitable for my Trophy Room? xxx mp
http://lovelylisting.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/01/13/funny-real-estate-do-you-ever-feel-like-you-are-being-watched/
Oh sweetie, that room just sings YOU!
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