The Incredibly Rude Logophile

2011-11-29T06:12:00.001+10:00

Definitely something in that for all of us i think!

Love you long time,

xxx mp

2011-11-26T10:44:00.001+10:00

I am returning to my original theory that there are an awfully

large amount of fucking retards in this world.

That is all!

love you long time,

xxx mp

Hmmm....

2011-11-20T14:57:00.000+10:00

Do you really think they could be that much fun?

I'm totally up for trying new things but i'm thinking this one

may be just a little too close to real pain ....

and why are the clamped women

mostly taped across the mouth in the

photos?

That makes me kinda nervous.

"Relax the FUCK up", maybe? Who knows....

I totally get this one cos i always think of jumper cables

when i first glance at the clamps.

I think i need to ponder this one a little longer.

If i decide to take the leap i'll be sure to share

all the details with you, my beloved Logophiles.

If you've given them a go, do tell ...

nothing as helpful as first hand experience.

Love you long time,

mp xxx

The Paperboy.

2011-11-14T15:21:00.001+10:00

This is courtesy of the always delightful G6

I kinda dig the expression "Fucking" - due to my complete inability to commit to that vile expression, "Make Love" which causes bile to rise in my throat.

Bleh.... when i lived in San Francisco and hung out with the Irish Boys, they'd always call it M.L. (see now i can't even bring myself to type it) as a way to appease their classic Catholic guilt about sex out of wedlock.

If it was LOVE, how could it be wrong?

Better question, if it is LOVE, how can it be so wrong, so very often?

xxx mp

I'm Sooooo Sorry......

2011-11-14T12:32:00.001+10:00

I know, i know, i'm so sorry, but i've missed you too..... It's not like i don't care any more, truly!

It's that damn Facebook, it's been consuming all of my free time but in a good way.

Still, on the upside (and there's always an upside) i've been stockpiling juicy morsels for you, my little Logophile beauties.

BTW, Almost 80,000 views on the Logophile Blog - how does it get any better than that?

Had an interesting discussion (once again) at dinner last week with a group of girlfriends about the "supposed" evils of the word CUNT! Really! When are we gonna grow past attaching meaningless sentiment to a word like that. The more it pisses you off, the more power you give to the user. For FUCKSAKE! Stop it!

Another friend who i adore and is from memory completely ok with using the word CUNT out loud, has suggested that myself and two other incredible women run an awesome training program on sexuality and sexualness - we all have very bold approaches to owning our sexuality so i think it would be a lot of fun. Stay tuned for that one.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging around while i dipped my bits elsewhere over the past few months. It's great to be back :)

Love you long time Logophiles,

xxx mp

....Lick My Own Genitals.

2011-08-08T22:46:00.000+10:00

I love these guys, beyond measure!

I love you all too, Logophiles, long time.

xxx mp

Nuff Said I Think ........

2011-08-08T13:29:00.002+10:00

You Know It!

2011-08-04T11:13:00.000+10:00

I think i might put this on a card

and whizz it out to a few peeps i know!

Feel free to share the love....

xxx mp

Dog Blogs....

2011-08-04T10:52:00.000+10:00

Hehehehehe - the secret life of dogs!

They like, totally crack me up!

xxx mp

As Soon As Your Penis Touches My Butthole....

2011-08-04T01:04:00.000+10:00

She may have a valid point here.....

but sometimes a surprise can be a grand adventure, right?

xxx mp

Fake Chow....

2011-08-03T15:25:00.001+10:00

I endured the movie "Hall Pass" last night - although i must confess to fast forwarding through several parts of it.

It was incidentally humourous but not enough for me to recommend it and that's saying something for someone with a toilet humour mind like mine.

I did however discover a new term for which i will be eternally grateful: Fake Chow

Fake Chow
	When you go down on a girl, and you pretend to be eating her out, but really you are rubbing her vagina with your finger, and making noises like you are eating her out. I gave Hannah fake chow last night, and she didn't even notice!

I mean - who knew such a thing existed? That's why i suggest checking in every 30 seconds or so to be sure your partner is actually delivering the goods.

Anyway - one of the most fun bits of receiving oral sex is the watching, isn't it?

Every day is indeed a school day.

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Vagina Cupcakes.... Nom, Nom, Nom.....

2011-08-01T13:48:00.000+10:00

I sure hope these don't taste like chicken, smell like fish :)

xxx mp

Spank the Monkey....

2011-07-31T15:22:00.000+10:00

Inspired yet again by Gregory No 6 - i went off in search of tales of the best wank ever. Much to my delight i found a plethora of wanking disaster stories - wonderfully amusing i have to say....

One of my very faves is reposted below.

Enjoy

xxx mp

Oh the shame - the horrible horrible shame!
*Sob*
I'm crying with the shame of this story...
One day when I was a nipper I was going through my most furious fist and the furious stage (a billion times a day or something). Well anyway I had a thing for Jet from Gladiators (the shame)and had recorded the previous nights episode on my massive video. Anyway while watching it Jet was about to do her speciality - the over head rings thing - and I defy any man to not find that a turn on! Feeling randy I watched her lift her right leg really high in the air! Being well turned on I paused the video and proceeded to thrash one out.So I had my trousers round my ankles and was stood in front of the TV, well into the vinegar strokes when my door swung open and there was my Dad!!!! Shit! As I was facing the door there was no way he couldn't tell what I was doing! Within the same second our extremely excitable dog barged into the room and jumped up at me at the very same time my purple monster spurted my man milk! The dog got it full in the face and I fell backwards onto the bed, cock in hand!
My Dad was bright red and tried to chase the dog out of the room while I started crying and tried to hide my shame! Burying my face in the pillow I really really wanted to die....
then out of the quiet and my muffled sobs I heard my Dad say "I prefer Lightning to that Jet" then he closed the door!
Sometime later I ventured downstairs and into the kitchen fearing laughs and ridicule only to be greeted with the sight of my Dad washing the Dog out in the yard!!!!!

Dad I salute you!

Can't Wait To Receive My Monthly Edition...

2011-07-31T13:37:00.000+10:00

Gotta tell you - "How to get a baby bonus without wasting a root"

certainly caught my eye.....

I am kinda tempted by the Barbecue Dim Sims too...

xxx mp

Well I'm Back.....

2011-07-31T11:15:00.000+10:00

And being the particularly stylish primate that i am, this post covers Arse, Muff and Titties all in one go - no, no.... please you embarrass me when you gush your gratitude all over me like that - looking forward to playing again.

Love you long time, Logophiles.

xxx mp

Porn and Disney.......

2011-07-05T11:32:00.000+10:00

A Penis Emoticon.....

2011-06-25T23:06:00.000+10:00

love you long time,
xxx mp

It's a FUCK YOU kinda Sunday......

2011-06-19T10:18:00.000+10:00

That is all .....

xxx mp

Fabulous Excuses....

2011-06-18T00:32:00.000+10:00

Loving this site:
Wrongcards.com
- i mean like BIG, BIG loving it .....

I strongly believe that if you are gonna offer up an excuse
then it had better be genuine or
at least so bad that you can be forgiven

on points for trying.

Some examples i enjoyed ...............

I mean why not, right?

Love you incredibly long time,

xxx mp

The 1985 Honda Cunt.....

2011-06-13T23:33:00.002+10:00

G6, you make my world spin with your truly
awesome gifts - thank you!

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Me Love You Long Time......

2011-06-05T19:48:00.000+10:00

me love you long time

USED BY

1. hookers to offer their services

2. ignorant jackasses as a slack way to say "I love you"

3. ordinary people making references. most users think they are referencing South Park or Family Guy, but actually both of those were referencing Full Metal Jacket (#8 movie of all time according to sanyosuru). A hooker uses this phrase becuase her English is bad, and all she can say is "Sucky-sucky, 5 dollar. Me love you long time. Too long time." South Park has Eric as Vietnamese hooker, exactly as in the original. In Family Guy, Peter says this because it is the only English he thinks the Japanese baseball player will understand, and he can`t afford to pay for him.

*****************************************

It's been a long time between Urban Dictionary drinkies

but i am back with a truly romantic favourite.

Give it a whirl with your beloved and see what happens.

I believe it conveys everything in one statement:

a. A promise of a long relationship

(depends on ones personal definition of "long" of course.

Mine is about a month :)

b. A commitment of the heart of some description

What more could you want?

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart!

2011-05-28T23:41:00.000+10:00

You know Logophiles,

sometimes it may appear

that i take you for granted.

But you have to know,

that this is not the case.

I think lovingly of you,

quite often in fact.

So, as a sign of my appreciation,

i have decided to gift you all

a Sausage Bouquet.

No, no..... no need to thank me.

You're totally worth it :)

xxx mp

Tastes Like Chicken, Smells Like Fish....

2011-05-28T18:41:00.000+10:00

Cooter!

Best word i have discovered this year i think .....

That is all.

Love you long time, Logophiles.

xxx mp

Spank Me!

2011-05-19T11:09:00.000+10:00

Ooooooh, how i so love a recurring theme!

This is a gift from G6,

who is the Logophile, bravest enough from the 400 or so peeps

that view this blog daily, to make public comments!

Check out his fabulous work over here.

Mmmmm, spanking...... it's appeal is growing daily .....

xxx mp

Bad Wookie!

2011-05-18T23:20:00.000+10:00

At my place, mister 6 and mister 7 watch or act out or draw

some Star Wars everyday. It's kinda weird reliving it,

but cool that another generation gets to enjoy

the awesomeness of it all.

They love Knight Rider too - and given my addiction

to the Hoff, it's only fitting.

Airwolf is another big hit. Wild times indeed.

Love you long time Logophiles!

xxx mp

I Love Graphic Designers...

2011-05-15T12:18:00.000+10:00

Along with my Font Addiction, i must confess i am mesmerised by Graphic Designers.

They are modern day wizards and i adore them! In fact a few of my very best friends are graphic designers.... love you guys!

The Ol' Anal Announcement.....

2011-05-09T11:39:00.000+10:00

It's been a while since i posted any true logophile installments.

So i happened upon this nifty site yesterday: BlackChampagne.com

Not quite as extensive as my previous lists but a worthy effort none the less.

Enjoy!

xxx mp

Slang for Oral Sex

Fellatio
• Address the court• Blow the horn• Gobble gobble• Give a hummer• Speak into the mike• Polish the knob• Meeting with Mr. One-Eye• Play the pink oboe• Yaffle the yogurt cannon (voracious technique)

Cunnilingus
• Airing the orchid• Carpet munching• Gamahuche• Growl at the badger (to make noise while performing)• Impersonate Stalin• Muff diving• Yodel in the canyon (to make noise while performing)

Slang for Semen• Baby gravy• Cupid's toothpaste• Gentleman's relish• Human bonding fluid• Man chowder• Population paste• Spooge• That tasty non-dairy treat

Slang for Homosexuality• Bats for the other team• Travels on the other bus.

Male Terms
• Bone smuggler• Back tourist• Double adapter• Fart knocker• Lucky Pierre (the meat in a triple decker man sandwich)• Poof• Pillow-biter• Sausage kennel (butt)• Sneaky butcher (he slides the meat in the back door).• Uphill gardener

Female Terms • Lickalotopus• Rug Doctor• Vagitarian

Special terms:

Beard -- Woman married to a (supposedly) gay man to help keep him closeted. I.E. Nicole Kidman, formerly.

Frock -- Male equivalent of a beard, also "lavender marriage". See Richard Gere for Cindy Crawford, if you believe the hype.

Slang for Farting• Anal announcement• Float an air biscuit• One-cheek sneak (leaning to the side)• Release a tree monkey from captivity• Room clearer• Silent but deadly (SBD)• Shooting bunnies• Step on a duck.• To speak German• Under-thunder

Remarks after a Fart
• Catch that one and paint it blue• More tea vicar?• Sew a button on that• There goes the elephant.

Slang for Poo
• Admiral Browning• Build a log cabin• Burial at sea (stately delivery, I.E. w/o splashing)• Bury a Quaker• Clumsy brown trout (splashes upon entry)• Chocolate shark (larger and fiercer than the brown trout)• Chocolate iceberg• Droppin' a deuce• Drop the kids off at the pool• Drop the Huxtables at the pool (Re: The Cosby Show)• Knit a brown sweater• Lay cable• Montezuma's Revenge• Put Nelson on the train (Mandela)• Three-coiler (impressively long)

There's a disturbing strain of poo slang that's based on the presumed color similarity between feces and black people. I had never heard any slang alluding to this prior to posting this page, and starting to get reader emails about it. Yes, I led a sheltered life, though I didn't realize it at the time.

It's Coming!
• Aztec two-step• Cowboy Walk (long, rolling gait required when the Titanic is just about to set sail)• Got a turtle head poking out. (Said with a Fat Bastard accent, ideally.)• Sitting on an elephant (often as a pre-show evacuation warning)• Sour apple quickstep

Other Terms

Fingers in both ass and vagina
• One in the pink, one in the stink• The shocker• Hold her like a bowling ball

Whorehouse
• Knocking shop• Poontang plantation

A woman (or man) who dies their hair, but not all over
• Collar doesn't match the cuffs• Curtains don't match the carpet.

Skimpy male underwear
• Bag of golf balls• Banana hammock• Grape smugglers• Fag bag

Love Bite......

2011-05-09T10:28:00.000+10:00

So there you go....

Pancakes and oral sex -

a previously unrecognised high risk

combination.....

Just remember that

next time

you are thinking about

heading down south

to play the pink oboe!

Don't say i didn't warn you.

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Ahhhh... Mothers Day - So Much To Be Grateful For.....

2011-05-08T15:31:00.000+10:00

I can't actually guarantee that my boys

will be able to say thanks to me

for not touching up their friends

in many years to come.

Live and let live i always say :)

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Buttocks

2011-05-08T12:27:00.000+10:00

Buttocks by Ruth Hogben from pony boy on Vimeo.

I am very much loving this video. Spanking has taken on a whole
new appeal lately......

Mmmmmmm.

xxx mp

If You Don't Blow.....

2011-05-06T13:35:00.000+10:00

your own trumpet, who's gonna blow it for you?

Have a spectacularly sexy weekend Logophiles!
And remember, one you knock back, is one you'll
never have...

Love you long time,

xxx mp

I Think I Should Take A Lover...............

2011-05-04T23:43:00.000+10:00

Oh, i think i should take a lover,

For a lover could be great fun,

Especially if that lover,

Has an awesome, super long tongue!

~ Munkipants

Things That Tickled My Fancy This Week ....

2011-04-30T13:30:00.000+10:00

I love the internet in a possibly quite unnatural way
- it's such a constant source of amusement.

And just for the record, i'd totally fall for the
"Kiss My Nose" stunt.

Everyone loves a creative genius!

Well it's gotta be good for you - look how happy she is :)

It's kinda creepy but it still made me chuckle!

You know how much i love this word -

it's a Gift of Pure Awesomeness!

xxx mp

How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him

2011-04-30T13:06:00.000+10:00

Well thank god i found this video -
it's an absolute Game Changer i tell ya!

Lady Logophiles, grab yourselves a pen and some
paper and prepare yourself for an awesome
learning experience :)

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Ahhh.... Ain't that the Truth!

2011-04-30T12:51:00.000+10:00

It's another fabulous long weekend here in Brisneyland, Logophiles!

Yay for 3 days off - more time to think up bollocks to post for you.

Love you long time.

xxx mp

Stick It Up Your......

2011-04-27T22:16:00.000+10:00

Why didn't my keyboard

come with one of these!

What's up with that already?

The amount of times i could have made

super extraordinarily good use of this key

are immeasurable and now

totally lost opportunities.

xxx mp

I Did Not Shave Your Wife .....

2011-04-24T23:45:00.000+10:00

Nothing suss!

Love you long time Logophiles.

xxx mp

Happy Easter....

2011-04-22T22:44:00.000+10:00

Stay safe over this incredibly long weekend

Logophiles!

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Lick Me!

2011-04-19T23:36:00.000+10:00

Delectable!

What An Excellent Fucking Idea.....

2011-04-15T23:26:00.000+10:00

me...

off...

you...

them...

everyone...

all...

no...

Have a fucking awesome weekend.

Love you long time,

mp xxx

My Vagina Is Eight Miles Wide ......

2011-04-10T22:09:00.000+10:00

Dearest G6,

you are the kindest, most generous chappy

that i have the pleasure of knowing.

Honestly!

Love you long time,

mp xx

(a very catchy little ditty provided by G6)

Enjoy!

xxx mp

Jussayin.......

2011-04-06T16:06:00.002+10:00

I genuinely believe that my whole life

changed for the better

the day i discovered this word.

Now i spread the love

by sharing it

as much as possible.

Sometimes,

my sheer awesomeness

totally overwhelms me.

Love you long time,

Logophiles!

xxx mp

Happy Birthday To Me!

2011-04-05T00:52:00.000+10:00

Well, i know i've been a complete slack cunt - no posts forever.

But you know what? I ran out of rudeness. Honestly.

I know right? It like totally shocked me too!

Minimal vulgarity, no porn at all....

Who am i becoming now?

Anyway, yesterday was my birthday

so i decided to post this card to myself

cos it cracks me up and i was waiting for the

right person to send it to.

Turns out that person was me.

So, maybe the card has spurred on

some life in the old Monkeypants.

Time will tell.

Love you long time Logophiles!

xxx mp

Lost DNA led to spineless penis, big brain.

2011-03-11T20:47:00.001+10:00

"Women of the world will be particularly grateful that among the ditched DNA is the penile spine enhancer, which gives chimpanzees spiky-spined penises."

Yeparoonie - you can bet your butt cheeks i'm grateful for that! Thanks G6 for once again being so thoughtful and and sharing the love!
Have an awesome "non penile spine enhancing" weekend Logophiles!
Love you long time.
xxx mp

By Dani Cooper for ABC Science Online - Updated Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:54am AEDT

Species with penile spines, such as chimpanzees, generally have a competitive mating system

(Getty : Ian Waldie)

Big brains and a softer, spineless penis are the result of DNA sequences lost along the evolutionary road, US researchers reveal.

In a paper published this morning in Nature, the Stanford University researchers show the differences between humans and our nearest relative, the chimpanzee, are the result of DNA sequences lost since our divergence from a common ancestor about 6 million years ago.

Women of the world will be particularly grateful that among the ditched DNA is the penile spine enhancer, which gives chimpanzees spiky-spined penises.

Co-author Professor David Kingsley, of the Howard Hughes Medical Institute at Stanford University, says the loss of the "intimidating" penile spines could be a factor in humans developing monogamous relationships.

It is believed in chimpanzees and other mammals penile spines are used, among other things, to sweep away competing sperm.

"Organisms that have penile spines generally have a competitive mating system," says Professor Kingsley.

"Females advertise when they are fertile and females are only sexually receptive around ovulation.

"In humans ovulation is hidden in females and the female in our species is sexually receptive for an extended period of time. [The loss of the penile spines] is part of a whole suite of changes related to longer-term bonding and not brief encounters."

Chimps have it, humans don't

The findings are based on a comparison between the genomes of modern humans and our nearest relative, the chimpanzee, and the macaque.

The researchers identified 510 DNA segments that were missing in humans, but "highly conserved" in the chimp and macaque.

All but one of these was found in the non-coding regions of the genome - between genes - which help control and co-ordinate gene activity.

"If you alter the way [a gene] turns on or off at a particular place in development, that can have a very large effect on a particular structure, but still preserve the other functions of the gene," Professor Kingsley says.

"That tends to be the sort of alteration that's favoured when a new trait is evolving."

The researchers then used a computer analysis to identify deletions that were clustered around particular genes.

"We saw more changes than you would expect near genes involved in steroid hormone signalling," Professor Kingsley says.

Penile spines and brain growth

A number of deletions also appeared near genes involved in neural development, their analysis revealed.

The team then used experiments with mice to find where two DNA sequences were expressed that were associated with the human androgen receptor gene and a gene called GADD45g that suppresses cell growth. They found in mice, the first gene was associated with genitalia and sensory whiskers while the latter restricted brain growth.

"I think one of the cool things about the paper is when you look at molecular loss, less can be less and you can lose an anatomical structure," Professor Kingsley explained.

"But less can also be more if you lose a switch that is the molecular difference to the expanded production of a trait."

He says the loss of the gene that kept brain cell growth in check may have contributed to the growth of bigger brains.

But he says the loss of DNA structure would be only one of the factors in evolving new traits.

Humans same as Neanderthals

Professor Kingsley says they are continuing to work through the lost sequences to identify links with other anatomical differences such as sweat glands, walking upright, s-shaped spines and skin changes.

He says the two sequences in DNA highlighted in the paper were lost sometime between when humans and chimps split from each other 6 million years ago and before humans and Neanderthals diverged about 600,000 years ago

"Both of the losses are also lost in the Neanderthal," says Professor Kingsley.

"The Neanderthal brain was already big and there is a lot of interest in whether Neanderthal and humans interbred - the loss of the penile spine was the anatomical change that would allow interbreeding."

Professor Kingsley says although the modern genome is evolving, our understanding of evolution will also change the way the genome continues to evolve.

"I think humans have evolved a series of cultural adaptations that mean we are not just at the mercy of evolution - we wear glasses, we have health care, we intervene in ways that overturns the survival of the fittest.

"Evolution is now an interplay between things."

Tags: sexual-health, evolution, genetics, anatomy, united-states

First posted Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:39am AEDT

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2011/03/10/3160135.htm

2011-03-03T11:10:00.001+10:00

What is orgasm?

Orgasm is a state where your body is no longer felt as matter; it vibrates like energy, electricity.
It vibrates so deeply, from the very foundation, that you completely forget that it is a material thing. It becomes an electric phenomenon.

Now physicists say that there is no matter, that all matter is only appearance; deep down,
that which exists is electricity, not matter.

In orgasm, you come to this deepest layer of your body where matter no longer exists,
just energy waves; you become a dancing energy, vibrating.

There are no longer any boundaries to you - pulsating, but no longer substantial.

And your beloved also pulsates. ~ Osho

Penis Addictions.....

2011-03-03T10:51:00.000+10:00

Dick is good! So she slapped him upside the head!

xxx mp

Not Giving A Fuck Is Awesome!

2011-02-24T21:55:00.000+10:00

Hands down winner has gotta be "not giving a cunt suck!"

xxxx mp

The Flying Dildo Experience.

2011-02-23T21:11:00.000+10:00

Story of 2011

Never Fails......

2011-02-19T13:47:00.000+10:00

.....to make me chuckle!

Hope you are having a divine weekend Logophiles :)

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Wild Monkeys and Valentines Day

2011-02-16T21:12:00.000+10:00

Valentine’s day is all about good fucking ideas.

Love someone’s brains out tonight. We love you, you wild monkeys!

http://goodfuckingidea.com/211

I love, love, love this site! It rocks my world and i wish i had built it. Anyone who loves wild monkeys, has to be a champion.

xxx mp

Nude Lawn Bowls and Naked Twister....

2011-02-16T20:59:00.000+10:00

Whilst having experienced the joy that is Barefoot Bowling,

i must say that i hadn't considered

what a master of this sport

might do to increase the thrill factor.

I guess it makes perfect sense though,

that the next step is Nude Lawn Bowls.
It's that or Full Body Contact Lawn Bowls
and given the demographic of the sport
that could end up messy.

I mean - twister became Naked Twister for the

sick fucks that played that and got bored.

Back in my younger days i used to work

with one freaky dude who

hosted Naked Twister Nights

with his betrothed and a few

of their closest friends out in middle suburbia.

If you knew what they looked like

you too would have the

feeling of vomit rising in your throat.

Each to their own has always been my motto.

Just don't tell me about it afterwards.

I have way too much perverted stuff

going around in my head already.

Love you long time, Logophiles.

xxx mp

Blehhhhh......

2011-02-14T13:11:00.000+10:00

Miss Titsworth....

2011-02-12T23:54:00.000+10:00

My last name is Allen too.

So from now on, you can call me "Miss Titsworth" too :)

Love you long time, Logophiles.

xxx mp

Little Pricks...

2011-02-10T17:45:00.000+10:00

You know, so far i have yet to happen upon a little one....

but after coaching from my friends lately,

i feel fully prepared to deal with the situation.

xxx mp

Ladies, Please, Contain Your Orgasms!

2011-02-06T22:55:00.000+10:00

Fuck You!

2011-02-05T00:04:00.000+10:00

I like it!

Have a fucking excellent weekend!

Love you longtime Logophiles,

xxx mp

WTF?

2011-02-02T09:50:00.000+10:00

Somedays i shake my head and ask myself this question repeatedly.

Then i give up and head to the booze cabinet.

It's been working well so far.

Have a joyous day, Logophiles.

Love you longtime.

xxx mp

Sometimes I Happen Upon The Freakiest Shit.....

2011-01-31T20:50:00.004+10:00

I'm not exactly sure what i think about this

gorgeous woman breastfeeding a monkey

except to say that having breastfed two

beautiful babies of my own - it was a truly joyous thing.

Purposeful and nurturing and bonding.

Would i pop out the girls for the family pet? I think not.

However, i totally understand the nurturing sentiment

behind it.

Down right freaky, but i get it.

Want to see more? Then try this article:

15 Women Who Breast Feed Animals

Enjoy! Love you long time.

xxxx mp

Sorry I Called You A Cunt!

2011-01-30T20:49:00.000+10:00

I'm thinking we should make this "Call Someone A Cunt Week".

Long time Logophiles will be familiar with my deep and abiding love

of the word "cunt". It is possibly the longest and most consistent

relationship i've ever had. Whether or not i should be as happy as i am

about that is perhaps debatable however it fills my tiny, little monkey heart

with absolute JOY, so i doubt anything will change.

I think your mission is to slip it in to a conversation when someone is least expecting it and see if they notice. The double look is the end goal you are working for here. If you can get it through to the keeper without being called on it - Hi Five and i'll happily buy you a Bourbon next time we catch up :)

So go forth and spread your "cunt" love with the Universe, Logophiles.

Love you long time,

xxx mp

God likes Porn and Fart Jokes?

2011-01-26T11:47:00.003+10:00

I know i've blogged about this site before but i love it and i'm gonna post some more :)

Growing up with a mother with strong Christian beliefs was very interesting. Even though she was ostracised from the church when she sort a divorce from her first husband - called a slut and harlot and other such Christian like terms - she still held her faith. Quite admirable really. When times were very, very difficult as they can be for a single mum and four children back in the 70's, she still held on and got through each time "knowing" God had provided.

I remember saying "Jesus Christ" whilst crossing the road on our way over to Boans, an old department store in Perth, and swiftly receiving a slap to the back of the head for blaspheming.

I love this site - http://nobeliefs.com/DarkBible/darkbible4.htm It challenges so much of the sentiment i was exposed to growing up and questioned continuously but i didn't have the background information to support my arguments. So head in there and revel in their mastery.

Biblical Pornography

"Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses." (Ezekiel 23: 19-21)

"and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions." (Ezekiel 23: 21, NRSV)

Comment

The story of the sister whores, Aholah and Aholibah gives a moral lesson against the sins of the flesh. But why does God have to describe their adventures in such pornographic detail? Does God love porn?

What parent would want their children reading verse 21 about comparing the size of men's penises to donkey genitals and the sperm flow to that of horse issues?

As any adult religious parent might believe, such lustful descriptions, if culled from secular sources, would corrupt children should they happen to read them. Should it not also corrupt children if read from the Bible?

Passing Wind

Wherefore my bowels shall sound like a harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh. (Isaiah 16:11)

Comment

This passage refers to the flatulent passing of gas in musical fashion from the bowels of a prophet. Could this represent a rare instance of humor in the Bible?

from: http://sparklepony.blogspot.com/2008/01/catholic-panties-in-bunch-over-nuns.html

And just in case you have nun fantasies due to your own misguided upbringing - here is a tribe devoted to naughty nuns :) - http://tribes.tribe.net/naughtynuns

Love you long time, Logophiles.

xxx mp

Damn Sluts......

2011-01-26T00:22:00.000+10:00

Beeeautiful - have a fab Oz Day, Logophiles!

love you long time,

xxxx mp

Sorry I Got Semen In Your Eye!

2011-01-25T11:44:00.001+10:00

THE FOR'S!

"I'm a girl. And my boyfriend loves to come on my face. This truly just happened to me 10 minutes ago. My eye was closed, but...semen got in it. My eye was really bloodshot. Anyway, I wear contacts, so I took the contact out of the affected eye and rinsed it off. And rinsed my eye out with contact solution. It didn't hurt at all, it just looked as though it would be painful because my eye was so red. It's only been a few minutes, and I've already put my contact back in, and my eye is hardly red anymore."

THE AGAINSTS!

"To help you out I will tell you of my experience with semen in the eye. It accidently shot in one of my eyes. At first it didn't really hurt then afterward it started burning really bad. I washed it out and for about 3 days my eye stayed bloodshot. Everyone asked me what happened and well I couldn't really tell the folks at work what really happened, I just said I didn't know...just woke up like that. It hurt though. If you want to do it thats fine..just have her close her eyes so that the initial shot won't go straight in there."

Excerpts From Sexual Health - Women Forum - Semen in eye - how bad is it?

Me personally, well i remain undecided..... i think i would rather not see it up that closely but hey, never say never :)

Love you long time Logophiles,
xxx mp

Pair rescued after sex doll river ride......

2011-01-20T16:27:00.000+10:00

Pair rescued after sex doll river ride

Posted Mon Jan 17, 2011 7:35am AEDT

A 19-year-old woman and a 19-year-old man were floating down the river in the city's north-east about 4.30pm yesterday using the inflatable dolls for buoyancy.A woman has been rescued from the Yarra River in Melbourne after she lost her grip on the blow-up doll she was riding.

The woman lost her grip on the doll when they hit turbulent water, grabbing hold of a tree while yelling for help.

A kayaker took life jackets to the pair, who escaped injury and were rescued by the SES.

from - http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2011/01/17/3114110.htm

Now whilst this story made me chuckle heartily and feel nothing but total and complete admiration for the ingenuity of said couple, i also came across a sport i was unaware of until today as i scoured the web looking for blow up doll pictures: Blow Up Doll Rafting.

I mean, who knew?

There are some great shots and a little story over here at Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/livingspree_/4371118867/

So now i'm thinking that maybe there is a sport i'm interested in after all :)

love you long time Logophiles

xxx mp

How To Ask For Oral Sex

2011-01-13T10:23:00.000+10:00

I thought this may be useful information for some of you Logophiles.

Don't ask, you don't get :)

Love you long time xxx mp

It seems sex is integral to our health!

2011-01-13T10:16:00.000+10:00

http://www.organicauthority.com/health/sexual-healing-tip-1-cold-and-flu-prevention.html

Research has shown that frequent sexual activity — having an orgasm at least twice a week — can keep you from getting sick this winter. Individuals who engage in regular sexual activity have been shown to produce higher levels of immunoglobulin (IGA), an anti-body that can prevent susceptibility to catching minor colds and flus.

IGA is the dominant antibody in your body's defense system; it is present in saliva and mucosal lining and works as a barrier at the most common points of entry for germs that make you sick.

In a study conducted by Wilkes-Barre University in Pennsylvania, IGA levels were revealed to be significantly higher — at least 33 percent higher — in people that had regular sex with a partner than those who had less frequent sexual encounters. Regardless of length or the emotional health of the relationships, the benefits as a result of sexual activity were the same in the study participants. Not that we're advocating doing it with just anyone!

The study also revealed that while the higher IGA levels were consistent in couples that had intercourse several times per week, those couples that had "very frequent" sex — more than 3 times per week — demonstrated less potent IGA levels similar to those individuals who had no sexual activity.

So next time you're in the mood, you can simply tell your partner you need to have sex because you don't want to catch the cough that's been going around the office. Or, if you're not in the mood because you’ve done it twice already that week, you won't need to blame it on a headache; just remind your sweetie that too much sex is as bad for your immune system as not enough.

Written by Jill Ettinger.

The Best Page in the Universe

2011-01-13T00:00:00.001+10:00

I fell in love with this page today - brilliant, politically incorrect and rude - these are a few of my favourite things ....... i have included an excerpt for you and here is the link to the page - enjoy!

Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.

There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living.

I once met a girl who was able to pull it off, so I let her buy me dinner. Later that night she was making out with my wang, when I realized that all that lipstick was rubbing off. So I evacuated my moan-maker from her face hole, took some silverware for my trouble, and snuck out of her tent.

Red lipstick looks horrible on most women, and all men. The bright crimson hue is an unnatural abomination pushed upon your face by cynical cosmetic industry scientists. I'm sure somewhere in a laboratory, two scientists are high-fiving each other, laughing at all the bullshit new names for shades of red they invent.

There have been literally thousands of names for the same color of lipstick over the years, yet there are only about 3 shades of red: red, dark red, light red. Period. And I mean that grammatically, and not menstrually, though the context makes sense now that I think about it.

They just make up names as they go along, and you idiots keep buying the same three shades of red over and over again:

Here are some actual names for shades of red lipstick: berry juicy, candied apple, midnight red, love that red, volcanic red, red velvet, red reinvented, cherry desirable, opulent garnet, royal red, etc, etc. You know they're just making shit up when they start using abstract concepts like "love" and "desirable" in the name.

Most of the shades are indiscernible from each other, but women insist that there's a difference. So I went to Revlon's website and took two of these colors for a comparison:

Insecure women with boring faces lap this shit up because they think "hmmm.. what does my face need? Oh, I know! A giant hokey shade of red that isn't even found in nature."

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion

xxx mp

Happy New Year, Biatches!

2011-01-12T23:50:00.000+10:00

Well, well, well!

Here we are, half way through January
and i am only now getting around to posting.

Sometimes i really am totally slack.

This is no way infers that my lady garden and it's

bits are sloppy by the way - just my blogging habits.

So don't go making shit up about my nether regions.

I hope everyone is well and able bodied after the festive season.

It was especially fun for us heading out of state
and hanging in Sydney for a few weeks.

Now we are back in Brisvegas and living through the floods
with a king tide due to arrive in the early hours of tomorrow.

A bit nervewracking i gotta say.

We have remained unscathed so far - how incredibly lucky!

Have a fabulous week Logophiles.
It's great to be back.

Love you long time xxx mp

Santa sex......

2010-12-24T23:21:00.000+10:00

Well, well, well..... Merry Christmas Logophiles!

Another year pissed up against the wall.

2010 would have to go down as one of the corkers

for shit things happening - and yet we are all still

standing and in good order - bizarre.

I have managed to escape the family Christmas

but for those of you who haven't - just remember:

this too shall pass!

Hope everyone has a decent day and keeps themselves

somewhat tidy :)

Love you long time...

xxx mp

Full of Christmas Spirit.... yep...that's me....

2010-12-08T19:28:00.001+10:00

OK!

I've searched everywhere

and i cannot find

the ol' Christmas

Spirit anywhere.

if it happens upon me,

I'll let you know....

Love you long time,

xxx mp

Actually........

2010-12-08T11:04:00.000+10:00

love you long time,

xxx mp

A Collection of Semen Based Recipes....

2010-12-02T16:29:00.000+10:00

"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!"

One of my very special blogging buddies, The Dedicated Onanist shared this treasure with me earlier today.Whilst I am not convinced, to the best of my knowledge, i've never dined on a meal including semen, so i am only taking a punt. I have of course engaged in activities where one has sampled the wares, but after deciding it tastes and feels like i can only imagine hot "clag" glue (paste glue) does, i have limited my intake over the years.

I might add that once, a very long time ago, someone shared their love seed with me and it was actually palatable, in fact, almost like comfort food. Such a nice Greek boy who regularly partook of meals containing cinnamon. Apparently cinnamon actually makes it all the way down through the body to be excreted via the rubbing stick.

Anyhow, if you are wishing someone would gobble up your ball butter on a more regular basis, these simple tips may help:

10 simple tips for better tasting semen:

1. Cut out alcohol, caffeine, recreational drugs and nicotine their all pollutants.

2. Drink lots of water 1 – 2 liters a day to flush out body toxins.

3. Fruit get plenty each day and sweeten your sperm taste Pineapple, papaya cranberry, melons, mangos, apples grapes are all good choices. These fruits are high in natural sugars and offset the bitter taste.

4. Eat plenty of vegetables which are generally good for improving sperm taste.

5. While it is true vegetarians generally have better tasting sperm there are vegetables to avoid:

Any vegetables from the cabbage family big offenders also include Cauliflower, broccoli, or asparagus:

5. Cut red meat consumption this is one pf the main offenders when it comes to making sperm taste salty. Dairy produce such as milk and cheese also make sperm taste salty. Make sure when you eat protein you get good quality lean protein such as chicken and turkey.

Fish is claimed by some to be an offender in terms of taste, but this seems to vary between individuals. Try it and see the affects before cutting it out, fish is a major part of a healthy diet, so don’t cut it out!

6. Avoid heavy spices such as Garlic and onions, their big offenders when it comes to sperm taste, as they have a high sulfur content.

7. Do not buy products that claim to make your semen taste better there is no evidence that they work. Your semen can be made to taste better by overall changes in diet and lifestyle, it’s a complex formula and a good healthy diet has the biggest affect.

8. Parsley, wheatgrass, and celery are particularly recommended for sweeter semen taste, because of their high chlorophyll content.

9. Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon are particularly recommended for making semen taste sweeter.

10. Avoid junk food, there loaded with chemicals and preservatives that pollute your body and your semen’s taste.

What can a guy do to make his semen taste better? | Answerbag

Here's hoping you give the cinnamon a go Logophiles.
It's a guaranteed winner :)
love you long time
xxx mp

Do Not Disturb....

2010-11-30T11:31:00.001+10:00

In case you were too lazy to follow the link a few posts ago - G6 of The Mind is An Unexplored Country fame, found himself reminded of me when he saw this door hanger. I was flattered beyond measure.

Gotta say, after too much time spent watching lesbian action

on Youporn, i am so tired of almost every girl on girl shag

ending with a strap-onathon!

I can't believe that in real life all lesbian couples happen to have a

strap-on just under the sofa cushion waiting for an opportune time.

Every chance i'm incredibly wrong but i have a sneaking suspicion

i may be right. If you know the facts on this one pay them forward.

On a completely different matter, I found this fabulous mat

and thought i may ask for it as a christmas present.

Nothing like a friendly meet and greet, is there?

Love you long time, Logophiles.

xxxx mp

Love will tear us apart again.......

2010-11-29T10:46:00.000+10:00

Ahhh, funny! Always good to see a business with a sense of humour - i think i trust those types of businesses more than the staid, upright ones :)

Here's a little Joy Division to rock your Monday!

Rock long and hard, Logophiles.

xxxx mp

Pleasure Pills

2010-11-29T09:58:00.000+10:00

This video shows how my every day life looks - minus the lousy lay and taking pills :)

How fabulous to view everything as sexy and delicious - and the more you do it, the more you get - simple Law of Shagging principle (i just invented that - maybe i could make a movie that sells millions and is accompanied by a book too :)

Pleasure Pill
Uploaded by RaindanceTV.

Hope you had a shaggingly good weekend Logophiles!

Love you long time,
xxx mp

Well i say, quote away!

2010-11-26T13:35:00.000+10:00

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him."
~ Robert Charles Benchley

Please feel free to quote me as much as you like. Obviously, i'm not a man but i'm guessing this quote extends to the ladies as well.

I'm also thinking this is intended as some type of insult but really what kind of weirdo would take offence at anything to do with the monkey?

Hope you get your freak on over the weekend Logophiles.
love you long time,
xxxx mp

Email and bacon....

2010-11-22T22:42:00.000+10:00

What i need now......... is to figure out how to get home

before Christmas for my annual break away

from Brisvegas with the besties.

It's all becoming rather complicated

and i don't like complicated much.

Mmmmmm.... bacon!

Love you long time.

xxxx mp

Ahhhh, well if i have to......

2010-11-22T15:22:00.007+10:00

I gotta tell ya, i think the Shatman is freaking hysterical. He is brilliant at taking the absolute piss out of himself. More power Big Willy!

I was very, very partial to Boston Legal not only because i wanted to jump James Spader, but because Denny Crane was a legend.

This is one of my favourite Shatner moments.

Oi vay! Thank goodness for youtube :)

love you long time.

xxxx mp